Monday, January 31, 2011

Meet Lebnox!

Here I am. This is me. And I’ve been told a few of you are after me. Some with good intentions and some with better! I’ve also been told I cannot write a diatribe against anyone. Bad! I always wanted to that.  The main problem with me is, I have hardened myself in the excess of jocular way, that a man cannot tell whenever I’m serious. Mind you, I did not mention women (read girls)! I’m also not an outright snitty person, but yes, I am a short tempered man.I believe a perfect sense of humor is a sine qua non for every successful and controversial status. I just have to work hard to make mine perfect.
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I was not always like this. I used to be a sane, cute and an affable boy. I used to live like a normal man. I used to study a lot, watch movies a lot and listen to songs. A lot. But, doing these things never helped me in any way. My grades never passed muster, I never became a movie star, and I never became a singer. I used to get beaten up for saying no to bad things. I was used to abuses. I was thwarted by anyone and just anyone. People would look up to me a stupid kid who was good for nothing.  Until one day; when everything changed.

I was walking around a place, feeling surreptitious. And, I met a man. He looked familiar to me. “Hello kid”, he said to me. I looked at him. He was also looking at me. That was obvious and I was stupid. “Hello!” was all I could say. “Lost in the vagaries of life. Ain’t you, kid?” He smiled. I frowned. “So? You came to me to show another change? Or to throw another taunt towards me? Or to just make fun of me?” I couldn’t believe I said so much. “Hence proved kid. You’re lost.He deduced. I felt sad. I thought he had come to help me, just like in the movies, where people like him come to the lead hero to guide him to success and give him powers to defeat the villain. Hence proved. I was stupid. “Okay. I got it. Now let me go.” I said waiting for him to disappear. “Sure I will. But don’t you have unanswered questions? Unsolved quests? You’re right kid, I am here to help you.” His smile got wider. Still not enough wide to be called a grin.  See, I was really stupid. And what the hell? Did he just read my mind?!?!  

“Why I am always bullied? I read books, where all the geeks, fatties, nerds, and idiots get success eventually. I watch movies, where I see all of the things happening, like the villain is always smart but he always abducts people and does bad things, but the hero, initially being a big loser and idiot defeats him and gets girl eventually so my question is, when will I get to do those things and when will I get my status? I am tired of being called a loser. Give me some super powers also.” He was blown away. And you guys, please do not think bad about me, as I was a small kid that time. Very small and cute. And innocent. I was 19. And shit! What the hell was I asking from him? He might have run away. Fortunately, he didn’t. Else you couldn’t have known about me. Lebnox. 

“Calm down kid, calm down. You know what your problem is? You’re too restless! Just tell your brain to become stable and then try to ponder; you’ll get your answers easily. And please, stop following those books and movies. They are never real. All they can do is to brain wash you and fill that tiny thing with idiotic thoughts.” He announced. I still wonder what he meant by ‘tiny’. I told you, I was always bullied, even this man who was sounding good, just did.

"Kid, where does it come from, this quest? This need to solve life's mysteries with the simplest of questions can never be answered. Why are we here? What is the soul? Why do we dream? Perhaps we'd be better off not looking at all - not delving, not yearning. That's not human nature, not the human heart. That is not why we are here." He made sense. But was way too boring. “So, what should I do?” I asked puzzled. “Nothing! See kid, life doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be lived. That too in present and with those resources which you already have. Remember, super powers lie within. Just make a list of things you’re good at. Work upon them, improve them and use them wisely. You’ll embrace super powers, powers with which you can do things which others can’t. And yes, we are all special. Very special.” And I smiled. Finally. He really had a point. “Thanks dude, you can disappear now. But hey wait! When will I get a girl?” I really wanted him to answer this question. Kid, you already have a hardware for that purpose, just look for a compatible software, install it and start using it. You’ll get result(s).” He chuckled and disappeared. You see, good things happen in good company. Even this boring man developed a sense of humor in my company. And Yes, he disappeared in front of me!! At that instant, I realized I’m special cuz he disappeared in front of me, not like in stories where people like him disappear while the other person is looking away. Please don’t call me stupid. It hurts. Really!

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For obvious reasons, that was the longest day of my life and it changed me completely! So I’m happy. Now I know I can’t be a successful engineer so I don’t study. I just give my exams. I know I can’t be a movie star so I just blabber about movies and sometimes review them. I know I can’t sing songs, so I……… just download them.  And yes, the main part, people are going crazy over my name, Lebnox. Sexy it is. Isn’t it? I know I know! It isn’t my birth name. And heck! I don’t even remember my birth name. I don’t want to either. That stupid young kid sucked! I changed my name some one and a half years back!  It has brought me a big fortune. People from various news channels come to my place and book me for an episode just for a movie review. Crazy! Aren’t they? I hope not!

I have a decent fan following and people die to meet me and fight to get an autograph. Okay, that’s a bit exaggerated line but I don’t care. This is my write up and I’ll write whatever shit I want to! Okay please don’t think of me as a stupid man. It still hurts. Really! And please continue reading this write up and please bear with the length! Please, I beg of you!

Again, we come back to my name. Lebnox. I love those who like my name. (So please like it cuz I really want to love you.) And there is no particular story behind this name, and no expanded form either. I thought, I thought, and I thought; I even banged my head against the wall but I couldn’t create its full form. I created that name because I like creating names. ( Applicants, take my number and call me, I’ll create one for you as well.)

Okay enough, I’m ending this article right here. People from Time Magazine are after me cuz I have to submit this article within an hour and pose for the cover. And please, it is the original Time Magazine(abe vahi amrikka vali)  and not any local sadakchaap magazine. And yes, I’ll be reviewing movies frequently so you’ll be getting more of me. Soon!

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