Friday, August 3, 2012

The Curious Case of Jism 2

Kabir is the best policeman the country has ever seen. All he does is to take out his gun from the holster in less than a second. That makes him the best; from what they have shown in the movie. In a drug cartel raid he comes across a bimbo who is indirectly linked to the case. But somehow he figures out that she is innocent so he lets her go.

Next thing we know, that bimbo is in love with him. She writes him a letter with her blood, does some background check on him and reaches his home to confess her love. They deliver some of the most irritating dialogues in the context of love and start screwing each other in different places. We assume Police officer has also fallen in love with her. Well, after so much love making who wouldn’t!

So after he is exhausted with all those sessions he disappears. And the bimbo thinks she has been dumped so she goes on to become porn star. The genius of Mahesh Bhatt.

Some wonderful years have passed and we have seen much of her porn on the internet. One fine night in some club, a mysterious guy with hilarious expressions gives a look at Izna, the porn star, and in the next scene they are doing some, ahem, sensual activity. For money. Not sure if that bimbo is a porn star or a call girl. So after that sensual activity that guy, Ayaan, tells her to do a special task for them in exchange for money. She agrees. They both go to Sri Lanka and start using the word ‘Mulk’. If Pakistan wasn’t enough, the movie makers have  now moved on to Sri Lanka for their stupid terrorism plots. Courtesy Mahesh Bhatt.

So there is a special agency, wow – so original, which only has two people working for. There are three more, but they are actually room cleaners and cooks and also get killed later on so they don’t matter.

So the people at that agency tell Izna that there is a terrorist called Kabir who is the most dangerous terrorist of India and is killing people. He continues by saying that no one in India can get to him because he lives alone in Sri Lanka and is protected by some friend who is deaf in one ear, and doesn’t even live with him. So only Izna can get to him because he still chants her name in front of everybody so it is well known fact. Well, any forever alone guy with an internet connection will chant a hot porn star’s name every day. Big deal!

So Ayaan and Izna go to Sri Lanka and easily get a home adjacent to Kabir’s. Ayaan gives her a romantic novel and tells her to read some of the pages so that they can cook a story to tell others. Wow.

Now, Ayaan tells Izna to distract Kabir so that he can go and get all the data from Kabir’s laptop. She does that. So Ayaan gets in Kabir’s house, which has no security whatsoever. He also opens his laptop, which doesn’t even have a password but as soon as he inserts his pen drive Kabir gets a message. He is a moron. Neither does he get to do what he wanted with Izna, nor does he stop Ayaan from copying his data. The most difficult task I have ever seen in the history of Indian movies.

So there is again some big dialogue bazi which forces you to pull your hair from your scalp and scream your throats out. There is again some skin show which is so boring that you try hard to get seduced but you end up abusing everyone associated with the movie. Epic fail.

Even that’s not it. Mahesh Bhatt has saved his best for the last. There is a big twist. It sucks so bad that you slap your cheeks hard and pull all the hair out from your scalp. So practically you come to watch this movie hoping to see your favorite porn star doing something worth your money but you end up having so many injuries that even a doctor can’t feel sorry for you for watching Jism 2.

The Ugly:

Sunny Leone:  I admit love is blind. It makes you do terrible things. I proved the theory right. I went to watch her please me. Instead, she was too pathetic for anyone to handle. Such plastic emotions, such appalling cry, such disgusting performance. And what’s worst? The dubbing artist who dubbed her, Smita, has given her worst performance to date. You wonder why is the voice so out of sync with her lips! Yes, I did look at her lips but even those looked horrendous. Atrocious performance. Disappointing.

Randeep Hooda:  There was one actor who was known for his intense acting skills – Randeep Hooda. Was. He has the worst dialogues in the movie and every time he appeared he made you pray to god to end his scene as soon as possible. There was not one good thing about his performance. His intense acting skills made a poorly written and directed scene even more irritating.

Arunoday Singh:  He has nothing to do in the movie. All he does is to show his hideous expressions and abysmal love for Izna. Yes, towards the end he does get to do some action and stuff but what stands out is his last emotions. What bullshit! But what bother the most are his expressions.

Story:  This is it. Mahesh Bhatt has lost it completely. He can only scratch all his body and pass controversial remarks for everybody. He cannot make good films now even if he wants to. I’d not be wrong if I admit that this was the most ridiculous, illogical, irritating, awfully written script ever. Starting from the first scene, everything was so lame that he has established a level of insanity.

Pooja Bhatt:  Opportunist she might be called by many, but in fact she is in idiot in actual. You can get a famous porn star, an intense actor, and an average music in your team but in the end you need some talent and skill to pull off everything. What a waste of everything!

The Silver Lining:

Amidst all this crap, there are a couple of things which need a mention under a different heading.

Cinematography:  Exotic locations, brilliant use of colors and splendid use of camera. These are some of the only positive things about Jism 2. But sadly due to awful script and poor acting these things might get ignored.

The Music:  The song ‘Maula’ which has a haunting effect, if listened properly, is the standout. Arko Pravo Mukherjee has done a good job. Rest of the songs are good, but like I said, even the music is helpless in front of such disastrous movie.

Enough Said.

Why should you watch it?
If you think this whole review is a big fat lie.

Why shouldn’t you watch it?
If you want to retain your sanity, money and love for Sunny Leone.

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