The Curious Case of Jism 2

Kabir is the best policeman the country has ever seen. All he does is to take out his gun from the holster in less than a second. That makes him the best; from what they have shown in the movie. In a drug cartel raid he comes across a bimbo who is indirectly linked to the case. But somehow he figures out that she is innocent so he lets her go.

Next thing we know, that bimbo is in love with him. She writes him a letter with her blood, does some background check on him and reaches his home to confess her love. They deliver some of the most irritating dialogues in the context of love and start screwing each other in different places. We assume Police officer has also fallen in love with her. Well, after so much love making who wouldn’t!

So after he is exhausted with all those sessions he disappears. And the bimbo thinks she has been dumped so she goes on to become porn star. The genius of Mahesh Bhatt.

Some wonderful years have passed and we have seen much of her porn on the internet. One fine night in some club, a mysterious guy with hilarious expressions gives a look at Izna, the porn star, and in the next scene they are doing some, ahem, sensual activity. For money. Not sure if that bimbo is a porn star or a call girl. So after that sensual activity that guy, Ayaan, tells her to do a special task for them in exchange for money. She agrees. They both go to Sri Lanka and start using the word ‘Mulk’. If Pakistan wasn’t enough, the movie makers have  now moved on to Sri Lanka for their stupid terrorism plots. Courtesy Mahesh Bhatt.

So there is a special agency, wow – so original, which only has two people working for. There are three more, but they are actually room cleaners and cooks and also get killed later on so they don’t matter.

So the people at that agency tell Izna that there is a terrorist called Kabir who is the most dangerous terrorist of India and is killing people. He continues by saying that no one in India can get to him because he lives alone in Sri Lanka and is protected by some friend who is deaf in one ear, and doesn’t even live with him. So only Izna can get to him because he still chants her name in front of everybody so it is well known fact. Well, any forever alone guy with an internet connection will chant a hot porn star’s name every day. Big deal!

So Ayaan and Izna go to Sri Lanka and easily get a home adjacent to Kabir’s. Ayaan gives her a romantic novel and tells her to read some of the pages so that they can cook a story to tell others. Wow.

Now, Ayaan tells Izna to distract Kabir so that he can go and get all the data from Kabir’s laptop. She does that. So Ayaan gets in Kabir’s house, which has no security whatsoever. He also opens his laptop, which doesn’t even have a password but as soon as he inserts his pen drive Kabir gets a message. He is a moron. Neither does he get to do what he wanted with Izna, nor does he stop Ayaan from copying his data. The most difficult task I have ever seen in the history of Indian movies.

So there is again some big dialogue bazi which forces you to pull your hair from your scalp and scream your throats out. There is again some skin show which is so boring that you try hard to get seduced but you end up abusing everyone associated with the movie. Epic fail.

Even that’s not it. Mahesh Bhatt has saved his best for the last. There is a big twist. It sucks so bad that you slap your cheeks hard and pull all the hair out from your scalp. So practically you come to watch this movie hoping to see your favorite porn star doing something worth your money but you end up having so many injuries that even a doctor can’t feel sorry for you for watching Jism 2.

The Ugly:

Sunny Leone:  I admit love is blind. It makes you do terrible things. I proved the theory right. I went to watch her please me. Instead, she was too pathetic for anyone to handle. Such plastic emotions, such appalling cry, such disgusting performance. And what’s worst? The dubbing artist who dubbed her, Smita, has given her worst performance to date. You wonder why is the voice so out of sync with her lips! Yes, I did look at her lips but even those looked horrendous. Atrocious performance. Disappointing.

Randeep Hooda:  There was one actor who was known for his intense acting skills – Randeep Hooda. Was. He has the worst dialogues in the movie and every time he appeared he made you pray to god to end his scene as soon as possible. There was not one good thing about his performance. His intense acting skills made a poorly written and directed scene even more irritating.

Arunoday Singh:  He has nothing to do in the movie. All he does is to show his hideous expressions and abysmal love for Izna. Yes, towards the end he does get to do some action and stuff but what stands out is his last emotions. What bullshit! But what bother the most are his expressions.

Story:  This is it. Mahesh Bhatt has lost it completely. He can only scratch all his body and pass controversial remarks for everybody. He cannot make good films now even if he wants to. I’d not be wrong if I admit that this was the most ridiculous, illogical, irritating, awfully written script ever. Starting from the first scene, everything was so lame that he has established a level of insanity.

Pooja Bhatt:  Opportunist she might be called by many, but in fact she is in idiot in actual. You can get a famous porn star, an intense actor, and an average music in your team but in the end you need some talent and skill to pull off everything. What a waste of everything!

The Silver Lining:

Amidst all this crap, there are a couple of things which need a mention under a different heading.

Cinematography:  Exotic locations, brilliant use of colors and splendid use of camera. These are some of the only positive things about Jism 2. But sadly due to awful script and poor acting these things might get ignored.

The Music:  The song ‘Maula’ which has a haunting effect, if listened properly, is the standout. Arko Pravo Mukherjee has done a good job. Rest of the songs are good, but like I said, even the music is helpless in front of such disastrous movie.

Enough Said.

Why should you watch it?

If you think this whole review is a big fat lie.

Why shouldn’t you watch it?

If you want to retain your sanity, money and love for Sunny Leone.

Ladies Vs Ricky Bahl - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly.

Ricky Bahl has many names. Sunny Singh, Iqbal, Deven Shah, Vikram Thapar, etc etc. He is a con artist. He lives his life off his talent. He fools girls for money and quickly changes his identity. Three of the thirty girls he has conned are Dimple Chaddha, Raina Parulekar and Saira Rashid. Raina happens to be a big shot. She decides to take revenge against him and get all her money back. She teams up Dimple and Saira and makes a plan. To con him this time.

Ishika Desai is a simple sales girl who never lets anyone leave her showroom empty handed. She makes everyone buy something or the other. Raina and team approach her to play by the plan and con Ricky Bahl. Ishika agrees and swears to finish the job with expertise.

They meet. Ricky Bahl is a pro. Ishika is confident. Both try to con each other. Ishika has a team working hard with her; Ricky Bahl has his talent with him. Things take a turn and he falls for her. What happens after that? Who succeeds in the mission? Who wins in the end?

The Good:

Ricky Bahl: Ranveeri Singh is a star. Believe me when I say this. He may be a man infamous for his tomfoolery in reality but when he’s on screen, you’re bound to like him. He brings with him oodles of confidence on screen. Plus, he has carried a blockbuster on his shoulders previously. His hard work shows in every character he plays in the movie, in his accent, in his body language everything. Ricky Bahl was tailor made for him. Well oiled and chiseled abs, his expressions and his dialogues very well qualify for hoots and claps.

Ladies:  If Ricky Bahl is a star, ladies aren’t far behind him. They give him competition in every department. Show stealer among them is easily the debutante Parineeti Chopra. Anushka Sharma is experienced and is expert in playing roles like these, but was outdone with Parineeti this time. Dippanita Sharma Atwal plays her character of a corporate and confident woman well and manages to play the head of the team with finesse. Aditi Sharma as an introvert Lucknow girl looks natural and cute, and her dialogue delivery is excellent. But for me, find of the movie is easily Parineeti Chopra.  Her role as a bubbly and pakki dilli waali ladki was hilarious. Her comic timing, her expressions and her dialogue delivery, everything was amazing. All whistles for her. Simply awesome! Me likey. Me a fan.

Story & Direction:  If you think Maneesh Sharma could be a ‘one film wonder’, you’re wrong. He returns with this light comedy-family-drama which is bound to make you smile, laugh and fall in love with his characters. The best part about him is that he makes the story and his characters so relatable and simple that you don’t need to stress out while watching nor use your brain. Stress-buster, to be specific.

Music: If you think the music of the movie is ordinary and doesn’t grow on you, listen again. You might actually start humming along and move your legs in sync with the beats and rhythm. ‘Aadat se Majboor’ & ‘Jazba’  need a special mention.

The Bad:

Second half:  If first half was funny, fast paced and cool and whatever; then second half slackens a bit at places. Some of you may yawn a few times or check your watch or call the scenes clichéd or check your messages or update your status or whatever stuff you mostly tend to do in these situations.

Love Chemistry: Nothing was actually wrong in Ranveer and Anushka’s romantic chemistry but somehow you tend to compare it with their on screen romance in their previous movie together and feel unsatisfied.

The Ugly:

Editing:  If you find second half a little slow at places, you’ll abuse the editor, for some scenes were actually should’ve been edited out from the movie but were present in the movie.

*  *  *  *  *

Why you must watch the movie?
Light hearted comedy, hilarious moments, family drama, good music, and two hours of fun never really hurts.

Why you must not?
If you have a habit of watching serious and heavy drama and have a knack of comparing each and every goddamn Indian movie to Hollywood flicks. Seriously.


 

The Dirty Picture- The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Reshma is a small town girl who wants to be an actress but is fed up of her failures. She dreams of being with Suryakant, the megastar, but is unable to do anything about it. She, then, decides to take a bold step and uses her body to attract attention of the makers. Abraham, who comes across her, gets irritated of her boldness and alleged shamelessness that he starts hating her. Meanwhile her item song in the movie becomes hit and the film’s producer decides to find her and give her a big break, and also the screen name Silk.

Silk is given a chance to do an item song opposite her childhood fantasy Suryakant, whom she lures and seduces well. Her item song becomes an instant rage and she becomes hit. Everybody wants her to do an item song in the movie and at the same time people hate her in actual for she is bold and doesn’t hesitate.

Suryakant, finally gets bored of her, and starts ignoring her, and that exact moment, his brother, Ramakant, a struggling writer expresses his love for Silk.

Meanwhile, Silk’s downfall has begun as people have started getting bored of her and media has everything bad to say about her. Abraham, finally rises and acts in the same movie he directs, written by Ramakant and becomes hit.

The Good:

Vidya Balan: ‘Zindagi ek baar mili toh do baar kya sochna!’  Vidya Balan has kicked some serious ass in the movie with her over the top flamboyance. She has set a new milestone to achieve for the other actresses. Full marks for her performance. It must have taken enormous amounts of guts, determination and confidence to take up a role as bold and dangerous as Silk and to perform it with natural flair. Obviously, she is the soul of the movie and has outdone everybody. Superb!

Dialogues: ‘Aapko holi khelne ka toh shauk hai, par aapki pichkaari me dum nahi.’  Brownie points to Rajat Arora for the dialogues. Of course they are highly adult, ambiguous and are perfect examples of crude humor which one certainly cannot enjoy with family, but you can’t take away the credit from that man. Witty and original and funny and so true! If Vidya Balan is the soul, then the dialogues are the heart of the movie.

Male Actors:  ‘Jab Sharafat ke kapde utarte hain toh sabse zada maza shareefo ko hi aata hai.’  I had developed loyalty for Emraan Hashmi due to role and acting his recent movies, but this is for the first time, I am admitting openly that I am his fan. What a man he is! Same can be said aboutNaseeruddin Shah. What is it that this man cannot do! Amazing performance. His shady character always moves the story forward and every time he is present on the screen, you know something different is gonna happen. Tusshar doesn’t get much of the screen time but he has done Okay! All I can say is that he’s getting better with every movie.

First half: ‘Film sirf teen cheezo se chalti hai: Entertainment…Entertainment…Entertainment. Aur mai vo entertainment hoon.’  First half of the movie is the best. The rise and rise of Silk and her exotic moves along with double meaning dialogues and fast paced plot keep you hooked. During the first half, you hear the most claps, whistles and hoots.

Direction: ‘Film me sirf ek hi hero hota hai. Director.’  Milan Luthria has very well tried to pull off a masterstroke by sensationalizing the biggest mystery of Tollywood of 80’s. He has tried to make everything in the movie as authentic as possible with the looks, sets and characters. He gets the credit for making the characters the way they are in the movie.

Music: ‘Ooh  lala…Ooh lala. Tu hai meri fantasy.’  If I were asked, what is one particular thing that Vishal-Shekhar are best at, I’d probably say their choice of Singers for the song. Be it Lucky Ali, Akon, Saleem Merchant, Shankar Mahadevan or, in this case, Bappi Lahiri. They make their singers sing in a way you just can’t resist but love the songs.

The Bad:

Screenplay: ‘Kahaani me masala nahi hai sahab. Nahi chalega. Silk ko bulao. Aag laga degi.’  If Rajat Arora gets all the whistles for the dialogues, then he also gets thumbs down for his loose screenplay. He could’ve used his male characters in a better way and could’ve presented the life history of Silk way better than he actually did. The character detailing is bad and the second half becomes too lengthy and boring, especially when Emraan Hashmi returns in the movie.

Theme: ‘Silk jo chahti hai, kar ke dikhaati hai.’  Sadly, the movie focuses more on Silk’s love, lust and loneliness along with the industry’s love for flesh which turned Reshma into Silk; instead portraying the life history of Silk and showing her in and out. You go into the theater expecting to know more about Silk but end up seeing everything you already know.

The Ugly:

Cleavage: ‘Public samaan dekhti hai, dukaan nahi.’  Before I say anything, understand this - I am a perfectly normal guy who loves girls. And their assets. But Vidya Balan has left me surprised with her ‘too much exposure’ of her body. In the beginning, I was jaw-dropped at her boldness and loved it. Slowly became used to as the movie proceeded, but then towards the end it started to irritate, and I was like, ‘Why is she not wearing any clothes! Damn!’

Editing: ‘Mujhey paise kamaane aur public ko entertainment chahiye. Mai Silk ke is gaane ko daalunga aur dobara film release karunga. Fir dekhna.’  Believe me when I say this, second half dr…rrags unnecessarily. There are moments when you think the movie is about to end but then again takes a new turn and goes on. You will witness the unexpected for sure. But with a negative impact. 

Rockstar - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Janardhan Jakhar is a typical North Delhi guy whose passion is music. He wants to be like Jim Morrison. He likes singing for people but is unsuccessful. His college canteen owner tells him it isn’t cake walk creating music as the true art oozes out due to the pain. Due to The heartbreak.

He sets out to propose a girl who is touted as the heartbreak machine as many guys fell for her and she rejected all of them. Heer. He proposes her for fun and she rejects him. He acts like heartbroken and the canteen owner calls him a dork for doing all this non sense drama. Janardhan then goes to apologize Heer and hence begins their fun story. She then gets married and starts living a conventional life in Prague.

Meanwhile Janardhan aka Jordan rises. He signs a deal with a company and goes on music tour to Europe. He again meets Heer and this time falls for her. Things get ugly and she tells him never to come near her. He then sets out on a journey of fame and self destrution.

The Good:

Ranbir Kapoor.  He is Palang-Tod in the movie. Absolutely incredible. His expressions and different looks get along so well with the situations. The innocent Janardhan, the beginner Jordan and Jordan, the rockstar; all were played brilliantly by him. His performance is surely gonna get him adjacent to the Khans. The scenes in which he lip syncs the songs make you realize how much hard work and effort he has invested in the role to try and make it look natural and perfect. And, well, he made romantic scenes look… actually romantic!

Music. A.R. Rahman, after ages, proved why he is A.R. Rahman! What a music! What songs! Sheer genius. Pure genius. The maestro covers a myriad of moods which reflect the emotional graph of Janardhan Jakhar. Mohit Chauhan has put his soul in the songs. His job was the most imortant and film was to ride on his voice. Well, he succeeded and in what a way! He had to be the voice of theRockstar and reflect his mood depending upon the situation, and he succeeded! His life time best.

Imtiaz’s freshness. The movie, out of the all movies released this year, has least number of clichés. Dialogues of the movie are mostly witty and few qualify for roars, claps and whistles, while few are uproarious. Also, it is a rare situation when you try to predict the next scene and it comes out to be true. Kudos to Imtiaz for that.

Direction. Okay, Imtiaz Ali is not a perfect director and he certainly cannot make timeless classics all the time. But, he has his way. Had it been a Madhur Bhandarkar movie, you’d have witnessed drugs, alcohol, illegal jobs and loads of sex in the journey of Janardhan Jakhar from rags to a Rockstar. But Imtiaz chooses to keep it strictly about Jordan and his disastrous coming-of-age story, blurring every other character or event in his life that don't take the story forward. Rockstar is also a story about two unusual and curious individuals and their insuppressible connection.

The chemistry. Ranbir shares a very explosive chemistry with Nargis. Be it their to-do lists and other weird ideas or be it their sensual and seductive moments, you fall in love with their characters. Brownie Points to Imtiaz for handling their fun, unexpressed love, intimacy and rush of their sexual urges with expertise.

Opening Scene. First scene of the movie and you’re hooked. You’re instantly curious to know everything about Jordan and his journey so far. It leaves a terrific impact! 

The Acting and Cinematography. After Ranbir, it’s Kumud Mishra, who leaves a lasting image on your mind with his natural acting of Jordan’s advisor cum manager. He was exceptional. Shammi Kapoor has not more than five scenes and dialogues in the whole movie, but every time he shows up, it’s a moment to devour and cheer in admiration. Piyush Mishra as the owner of the music company was brilliant. He makes an interesting grey-shaded lead. Anil Mehta’s cinematography leaves an impact and makes the visuals stylish. The flash backs and his stage shows were beautifully captured.  

The Bad:

Script. Imtiaz Ali wanted to fuse in the journey of a Rockstar and his love story together. And this is where he failed. He got so confused that he could not express his imagination impeccably. After you get out of theater and recall the whole movie, you ask yourself, what exactly the director wanted to convey! First half showed the rise and rise of Jordan and his growing love for Heer. Second half got lost in expressing his heartbreak, his journey, his bad image, his self destruction, and again, his everlasting love for Heer, simultaneously. You don’t exactly make out anything in specific from all of it.

Nargis Fakhri. Like most of the other female debutantes, Nargis Fakhri is mostly bad. Her voice is dubbed and in many scenes she fails to express the emotions. She does remind you of Katrina in her early days, though.

The Ugly:

Ending Scene. Okay, the moment the end credits begin out of the blue, you are like, what the hell! Is this the end?! The director wanted to keep it open as to make way for a debate but again fails. You end up bad mouthing it and do not go the way Imtiaz had wanted you to.

Length of the Movie.  Sitting and watching the screen continuously for close to three hours in a theater does agitate you. How you wish the movie had been a little shorter and the second half could’ve been better and simple. The disjoint and confusing narrative, sometimes, add fuel to the fire.

All in all, a movie with a powerful opening scene, wonderful music, explosive love chemistry, wits, dragged second half and a bad ending scene.

Movie is bound to generate mixed responses. Either you’ll be able to understand Jordan’s disdain for the system, disregard for his fans, read his eyes, feel his pain, and understand his feelings. Or you’ll question the script like how come he never expressed his feelings for Heer earlier in the movie, why he never talked to his mother or vice versa, why he never cared for anybody, including Jim Morrison, and why the movie ended without any drama and left everything unanswered!

Ra.One - The Review

‘You celebrate Dusshehra and burn Raavan every year because (he) evil never dies and you cannot destroy (him) it completely.’      – Ra.One.

Being a diehard SRK fan, it’s very, very difficult for me to write an honest and unbiased review of the movie for which I had been waiting badly for almost two years. Well, I’ve tried my best to write and here are the answers to almost all the questions such as, ‘Will SRK as a super hero work?’ , ‘SRK has overhyped the movie, will it fulfill the expectations?’ , ‘SRK has copied something or the other from every super hero movie and created one of his own, is it even worth watching?’ blah..blah!

Shekhar Subramanium is a game programmer in a big company based in London. The company’s last two games bombed so his team is given a task of making a game which is completely different and highly engaging. His son hates him for he thinks his dad is a complete South Indian geek and is very uncool which is embarrassing for Prateek, his son. Sonia, his loving wife, tells him to ask his son to obey him and give respect.

Shekhar then comes up with an idea of making a villain so powerful and having all the evils which surround us that it becomes almost impossible to destroy it. The villain, Ra.One, powered by Artificial Intelligence, has a feature that after each level it innovates and leaves behind the flaws. So when Prateek, aka Lucifer, defeats it at level 1 and pauses the game indefinitely, it comes alive to destroy him.

Now only one can save Lucifer from Ra.One. G.One is then given the artificial intelligence and is programmed to protect Lucifer. 

First off, the comparisons: SRK had already admitted that he and the director Anubhav Sinha watched around 200 movies which were full of special effects before starting the shoot. Whether the movie poster, his sitting posture while holding the rod, cubes combining among themselves, his eye color and super smooth skin, some action sequences etc, are directly copied or not, please understand he has never denied about these, rather he has stated that these are actually the inspirations.

Yes, of course it would have been a lot better if he would have come up with something completely original but then he at least did try and he did a lot better than all our Bollywood makers.

The effects: You have to admit that the VFX shots are mind blowing. His hard work and money shows in movie. You can actually hear the ‘wows’ . He hasn’t compromised with the quality and the resources he had. Hats off.

The Acting: To expand the Hindi film business in the southern part of India, he plays a south Indian for the first time, and acts in the same way as every typical South Indian does. The accent, dialect and pronunciations are near perfect. Of course he brings along with him, the typical SRK which you have seen more than a few times in the last two decades. Kareena Kapoor has looked HOT! Err, heracting, was good and natural. As she is looking smoking hot in the movie, you’re not gonna observe her acting, anyway. Arjun Rampal’s role was tailor made for him, it seems. The expressionless robot with a rage in its eyes and monotonous voice was played perfectly by Arjun Rampal; no pun intended. Armaan Verma, being the first timer, did pretty well by his standards. He would have looked better with normal and comparatively shorter hair. The supporting cast, including Shahana Goswami did well in whatever footage they had.

The Direction: Those unfortunate humans, who have seen CASH, had another leverage to criticize the movie. ‘Anubhav Sinha? Seriously?’ was their favorite question. I wouldn’t say he was perfect for this movie for he has not done full justice with direction. Some scenes could have been picturized in a much, much, much better way. G.One’s entry scene, the final battle between Ra.One and G.One, Aakashi’s role, the conversations between Lucifer and G.One could have been made perfect.

The Cinematography and other technical aspects: Since it is Ra.One, you can expect top notch technical work. The Camera work, locations, fight sequences, and scenes capturing Ra.One and G.One were marvelous. No doubts. Editing required a little more experienced professional but it is fine. Choreography and Music? Well, I don’t have anything to say about them.

Overall: See, the movie is not perfect and will make you use phrases like ‘could’ve been, should’ve been, would’ve been’ after you’re out of the theater. But still, it is good. And way better than all the previous movies having special effects. The best Indian super hero movie so far. I’d say give it a try and do watch it for its genuine moments, different experience and entertainment. I cannot speak anything about figures but I know as a fact that it has blockbuster written all over it.

Delhi Belly

Dear Aamir Khan,

There is no doubt over the fact that you’re on the peak currently. You actually posses that Midas touch. Whatever you’re doing is being praised and applauded. People have started to call you Cinematic Genius, Legend and Best of all time. I really do not want to comment on that. Everybody has a different opinion and nobody is wrong.  Most of the time.

All I would say in your praise that you have immortalized yourself and years from now on people will talk about your guts, courage, choices, decisions and actions. It’s true that whichever movie you make or produce is a case study in itself and people will always learn something from it. Be it Lagaan, Taare Zameen Par, Jaane tu, Peepli Live, Dhobhi Ghaat or Delhi Belly.

Here are a few things I learned from Delhi Belly:

1)      Humor can be age and culture specific and intelligent for some while it can be crass, crude and horrible for some.

2)      The movie can be named after any city to make it rhyme even if there is no show of that city in the movie.

3)      An average script, terrible lead actor, all the other actors being terrific, good and fresh music, ace producer and intelligent promotions can combine to make a memorable movie.

4)      Bollywood is finally expanding. People like to see different and you like to show them something different. Stereotypes don’t work now.

5)      One cannot watch this movie with parents. Certainly.

6)      One should not watch this movie with friends from opposite sex and lovers, for some scenes will embarrass them for sure.

7)      One MUST watch this movie with friends from opposite sex and lovers, because, you know. That awkward moment when you want to laugh out loud but just cannot. These moments are funny in their own way (sic).

8)      People farting, talking about blowjobs (well not just talking), camera focusing on cleavages, using highest level of profane language, can make people laugh.

9)      Actresses can surely do a marvelous job in a raunchy, men-oriented and adult comedy.

10)   A former movie director can make people burst out of laughter with his stomach gurgles, dialogue delivery and expressions.

11)   A standup comedian can crack people up with his constipated expressions and poor looks.

12)   A terrible actor who is your nephew can kiss numerous girls in numerous places.  So it obviously will shock people and make them laugh.

13)   Songs of the movie alone can make you laugh. Appropriate songs in appropriate situations. A perfect example of icing on the cake.

14)   One should not ‘try’ to make anyone laugh. Comic scenes should always be situational just like the ones shown in Delhi Belly.

15)   People will always remain a little hypocrite (if not completely), i.e., they will always accuse the movie for showing excessive vulgarity and will laugh at it once shown. Silently.

16)   Camera angles, lighting, color effects and other technical aspects sometimes don’t matter.

17)   A lot of talent is being wasted in Bollywood. This is what you get once you give newcomers the responsibility of making a unique film. They seldom disappoint.

18)   Censor board is finally learning that sometimes they just need to let go of all the scenes, and need not chop out anything.

19)   Your item song in the end is amazingly hilarious. Even you thought why let everyone move out of theater silently, they deserve to laugh till their vocal chords give up, after all they have invested their money in your film. It outdoes everything.

20)   Shit Happens.

Sincerely,

Just Another Young Man.

PS: Why the fuck should you miss this movie? Go shake your biscuit.

Shaitan

Hello Guys! Did you miss us? Yes, we missed you all too. After skipping a sling of Hollywood hits and a Salman Starrer, our man has chosen Shaitan to review this week. He seemed excited yesterday before the movie and now let’s see what effect movie had on him today. Please welcome, LEBNOX!

“Hello Lebnox, you look stoned! Are you high?”

“High on Shaitan, I guess.”

“So that means you’re not gonna smoke or drink now?”

“I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. So that question is baseless.”

“Oh, oh. So let’s begin the interview. Shall we?”

“Umm…Yeah. Let’s do it.”

Q.1) The classic: Describe the movie in one word.

Lebnox: Insane!

Q.2) No, no. I asked about the movie.

Lebnox: I was not talking about you. (We know that was a good try, but we couldn’t beat him in his own game.)

Q.3) Okay okay. I should rather ask about performances.

Lebnox: Okay. Yeah, go ahead.

Q.4) I just d…. Okay, how were the performances? (He really had gone insane after watching the movie, we assumed.)

Lebnox: Everybody who acted in the movie was awesome. I mean I can’t pick out just one favorite from all those. Rajeev Khandelwaal, as Inspector Mathur, keeps on improving. He plays a frustrated cop who doesn’t hesitate in taking risks and is not afraid of anything. Gulshan Devaiya as Karan, aka KC, plays a spoilt brat who has a knack of doing shocking things out of anger or craziness and believes the base of every friendship is trust. Shiv Pandit as Dushyant, aka Dash, is more of serious guy who, after attaining the peak of insanity can do anything, and also is the brain behind every plan. Neil Bhoopalam as Zubin, aka Parsi, plays a guy who tries to stay away from most hideous activities, but sometimes plays along just for the sake of friendship. Kirti Kulhari as Tanya, plays an aspiring actress who is in love with Karan but never admits that and is an important part of their group. Kalki Koechlin as Amrita, aka Amy, plays a girl who is undergoing a mental trauma for the last 12 years, and is new to the group. She starts enjoying their company and eventually everybody gets into trouble. Supporting cast includes Nikhil Chinappa, Pawan Malhotra, Rajat Kapoor and Raj Kumar Yadav. Everybody did a fantastic job and it would be unfair to pick out one.

Q.5) Quite a speech that was, calm down, you surely are high today.

Lebnox: Don't call me the next time if this review doesn’t gather maximum views. Okay, do call me after giving me a warning. And I’m not high.

Q.6) How was the direction?

Lebnox: The thing which I liked the most about Bejoy Nambiar is that he is not afraid of attempting something as bizarre and disturbing as Shaitan. I mean, how many movies have you seen which show a bunch of 20 something guys going crazy and landing up in trouble? Very few, I would assume. But Shaitan is quite different from those, sure it has similarities with Anurag Kashyap’s Paanch but still, it is original and insane and disturbing and shows reality. The way story proceeds is thrilling and you’re eager to know what is gonna happen next. Sometimes you guess right and sometimes Bejoy surprises you. His direction was a pleasure to watch except, the scenes which were supposed to be disturbing, were actually disturbing. Bejoy has a special talent, that was visible, but a few scenes in the movie which seemed like a repetition of earlier portions, snatch away the brownie points he deserves. But I really don’t care. He has a long way to go, and I’m sure he’ll get better with his second script.

Q.7) How about the technical aspects?

Lebnox: See all the movies which are made under Anurag Kashyap productions have terrific cinematography. The camera work is always unique and is thrilling. One feels amazed in some of the scenes. Music is addicting. Really. There are a number of composers who have composed songs for the movie and all of them have done an outstanding job. The songs, slowly, grow on you. Editing, in first half is razor sharp, and in second half, a few scenes become repetitive.

Q.8) What’s the story is all about?

Lebnox: Friendship, trauma, dysfunctional family, drugs, sex, love, money, heavy metal music, booze and impulsiveness. Any of these things has a big effect on an individual. What would happen if all these things have a combined effect on you? What activities would you indulge in? What measures would you take if you land up in trouble? What would you do if your inner devil takes over your soul?

Q.9) And?

Lebnox: And you’ve two ways of knowing the answers to these questions. Either try doing these things or watch Shaitan. Or if you don’t want to know the answers and you feel you’re better off not knowing, not delving, don’t watch it.

Q.10) So the movie is a hit?

Lebnox: If by hit you mean recovering expenses and earning profit, yes it will be hit.

Q.11) So that means everybody should watch it?

Lebnox: Yes of course everybody should watch it. But if you can’t handle disturbing scenes and can’t watch the ‘future’ of our country going crazy, DO NOT watch it.

Q.12) Final Verdict?

Lebnox: Movie is awesome. I had expectations and it fulfilled them all. But it is certainly not for everyone. Some scenes are so disturbing that you may close your eyes and feel genuinely sorry for the characters. That was much needed though; I mean that’s what I think. Such extraordinary situations were necessary to make the youth realize that if they try to be smart by doing things they’re not supposed to do, they end up in a shitload of trouble. Worse case, they might end their life. And, there were a few glitches that one might question, like some said the movie ends in a whimper. I replied, just thank god you’re not doing those things so you’re not sure what the person becomes and how/she reacts in those situations.

Q.13) You sure you’re not high, right?

Lebnox: Ha-ha. Why are you always afraid of my mood? Even if I’m high, I just gave you an awesome review. What more do you need? (Narcissist, we thought, but then who cares. He is actually awesome.) (And yes, he laughed. Finally.)

With this we end our interview right here. Lebnox said he needed a sound sleep so he rushed out. After a disturbing movie and interview, he atleast deserves a sound sleep. Doesn’t he?

Ragini MMS

Hello friends, how are you all? Hope you’re enjoying this cricket season. And we’re glad that you always care to take your time out for our little but accurate and enjoyable review show. We’re back with Ekta Kapoor’s Ragini MMS. The movie has been in news for obvious and for some unobvious reasons as we all know. And our man of the show is here to review it. Please welcome, LEBNOX!

“Hey Lebnox, What’s up? How are you?”

“…Man, all those who say horror movies don’t scare them, LIE!”

“So did it scare you? I mean you’re that much scared?”

“Nay man, I always come under exceptions as you all know. I never lie.”

“ So let’s begin the interview. Shall we?”

“Of course, what are you waiting for? Another MMS?” There it was. Finally. The classic Lebnoxical wink. He is the man.

Q.1) Describe the movie in one word.

Lebnox: Enjoyable.

Q.2) Enjoyable? This is supposed to be a horror film.

Lebnox: So? Can’t one enjoy horror movies?

Q.3) Yeah. Okay. My bad. So did it scare you?

Lebnox: You asked those questions which you’ve learnt by heart. Don’t you? I think you’ve asked the question earlier and the answer was in negative. But yes, it has potential to scare some. To a great extent. But not to everybody. ( He always does this. Answering our question in way to embarrass us. Damn!) 

Q.4) Okay. Okay. Let’s talk about the performances.

Lebnox: Oh boy! Raj Kumar Yadav is a tremendous actor. I’ve become his fan now. He makes the film enjoyable. His dialogue delivery, comic timing, facial expressions, and everything were just perfect. Yes. PERFECT! He makes you laugh. He scares you. He makes you fall in love with his performance. Kainaz Motivala, on the other hand, is a real charmer. You instantly fall in love with her innocence. The last thirty minutes of the movie, where you expect an out of the box climax, she does the entire job. But easily, Raj Kumar Yadav scores much higher than her.

Q.5) Let’s come to…. Hey what are you thinking?

Lebnox: Ah, nothing. Raj Kumar Yadav is a daring man. In LSD, he was the one who filmed the sex tape and sold it. Now he is back to repeat history in Ragini MMS. He is a rascal but I’m his fan now. And oi, Kainaz looks awesome. Epitome of awesomeness, I meant.

Q.6) Is the movie rip off of Paranormal Activity?

Lebnox: I don’t think so. A few scenes may have been borrowed from Paranormal Activity. The truth is, if you like the movie, you won’t care if it’s a scene by scene rip off. But if it is bad, you’d want to curse everybody associated with that movie.

Q.7) How’s the direction?

Lebnox: Umm… Not very good. Could’ve been better. Debutante Director Pawan Kripalani tries his best to scare you off but only manages to do that in a very few scenes. One thing he has done well is that he made his actors act terrifically.

Q.8) And what’s the story?

Lebnox:  Well, you know it all. And moreover, what story do you expect in a horror movie? Every time in a particular house there always lived a woman who was killed and now she haunts everyone coming in that house. Same is in this movie.

Q.9) It is being labeled as scariest date movie ever. How correct is that statement?

Lebnox: Not really. One expects a lot before going to the theater. The ghost doesn’t scare much. The sound effect does the entire job of earning your full attention, making you grab your friend’s arm or whatever. After you come out the theater, you feel movie should have been more scary.

Q.10) What about the real time shoot?

Lebnox: In LSD more real time shooting was present. Here it is used in the beginning and in the end. Rest all is normal shoot. But yeah, camera angles used in the movie are super apt.

Q.11) So the movie is a hit?

Lebnox: Ekta Kapoor has made sure it turns out to be a hit. So yeah, it shall recover its expenses with ease and collect good money at the box office.

Q.12) Are you sure you didn’t get scared?

Lebnox: Do I look like I’m scared? It’s just that, I’m thinking about Raj Kumar. He always makes sex tapes, yaar! (He was smiling in a little weird manner. Had gone mad, we thought)

Q.13) Final Verdict?

Lebnox: Look, the first half had everything. From sex quotient to comic scenes to scary scenes to Raj Kumar. Second half the story went haywire. Some got irritated, some got scared and some got bored. So it’s not like a single man’s opinion is entitled for all. You may come under any of the three categories. And also, the movie is made only for youngsters, and they might enjoy the MMS scene of the movie. (There was a possibility of him laughing boisterously. We’re gald he didn’t do it.)

And he left for his home. Clearly, he was smitten by Kainaz Motiwala’s beauty and innocence and had become a fan of Raj Kumar. We suggest, if you really want to get scared and enjoy the movie, go for it. If you’re skeptic whether to go or not, take a pass.